As I continue to tell my story through this blog and struggle through my recovery, I can't help but be a little (or a lot) angry. Why right now God? Why can't I have a normal and successful recovery? Why can't You put a end to my suffering? As these questions roll around in my head every day, they only make me more angry with my situation. I have excepted that I might not get better, that this pain could be permanent.What I haven't accepted is why this is happening. I remind my self of Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." I know that God has a purpose and a plan and that things won't necessarily go the way I want them to, but that is easier to say than feel. Yesterday a former teacher of mine gave me the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, and I couldn't put it down. It is written as if God Himself were speaking to you and one page has stuck in my mind. It says:

Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growing opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment-accepting things exactly as they are-and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances.

Trust is like a staff you can lean on as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind.

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in Gods unfailing love for ever and ever.

Psalm 52:8

Wow, could God speak to me more clearly? I need to work constantly on accepting things EXACTLY the way they are instead of wasting my energy being angry. Instead of running, I need to embrace this challenge God has set before me and find the blessings he has hidden. I need to learn to completely and totally trust in Him instead trying to figure this out on my own. I pray that God would lead me to accept my recovery and His timing and path.

Footprints

By Margaret Fishback Powers

One night I dreamed a dream. 

I was walking along the beach with my Lord. 

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. 

For each scene, 

I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, 

One belonging to me and 

One to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me 

I looked back at the footprints in the sand. 

There was only one set of footprints. 

I realized that this was at the lowest 

And saddest times of my life. 

This always bothered me 

And I questioned the Lord 

about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when i decided to follow You, 

You would walk and talk with me all the way. 

But i'm aware that during the most troublesome 

Times of my life there is only one set of footprints. 

I just don't understand why, when I need You most, 

You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, 

I love you and will never leave you, 

never, ever, during your trials and testings. 

When you saw only one set of footprints, 

It was then that I carried you."

The poem "Footprints" by Margaret Fishback Powers is partial inspiration for creating this blog. Through my journey of TMJ pain, searching, surgery and healing, at times I have felt completely alone. I know that like in the poem, I am not alone and that God is in fact carrying me through this journey, because I could not do this on my own. Knowing this has helped me tremendously, but I have also felt alone in feeling like no one understands what I am going through. My wish is to share my experience with others who are dealing with TMJ disorders, so that they can know someone is going through the same thing. Here is the story of my TMJ journey, if it helps just one person that would be enough!